To the Editor:
Tony Soprano was the first to publicly espouse the idea, “Dick Cheney for president” (see ‘The Sopranos’ season 5). I’m not saying I’m a card-carrying fan of the former vice president, but many staunch members of the republican party may have to agree with Soprano by the time the 2012 campaigns swing into action.
Who else is a truly viable candidate? The name of Utah’s John Huntsman has received a little attention. Mitt Romney? No one’s quite sure if the Olympic organizer will make another serious run for the presidential office. Alaska’s perky Sarah Palin will probably be busy with her own talk show by that time (pairing with James Dobson on parental advice), and John McCain, rapidly approaching his centennial birthday, will likely be just a bit too old for the opportunity.
In all honesty, Dick could be the best right wing republican bet. He has ample experience already running the country, having essentially done so so for roughly eight years. During his previous tenure, he was a little distracted, being required to also watching over W and practice his famous rifle-handling skills on the side. Heck, making a go of it with ONLY the presidency to worry about might seem like a vacation for the unquestionably confident Cheney.
We’ll review eight great reasons as to why DC could actually be successful in the oval office;
1. He is (as noted above) confident. One has to have an exceedingly strong (even if unrealistic or unwarranted) degree of self-confidence to take on this job.
2. He is not a time waster. Cheney isn’t one to dally over introspective decisions or expend countless hours on an important international matter. The man is all about action.
3. No more worries about health care. It’s actually likely public health care wouldn’t even be available. The matter would be taken off the table as all American residents would be encouraged to explore do-it-yourself solutions for any variety of medical situations. (side note: firearms would be sold with tweezers, a 12-pack of bandages and anti-bacterial ointment).
4. Gay rights would be resolved. Cheney would give his daughter her own state (North Dakota and Louisiana are both under consideration). The junior Chenette would be the leader of the gay state and all registered homosexual persons would be asked to voluntarily move to this locale.
5. Gas price concerns will come to an end. The man’s from Wyoming; they know how to ride horses out there. Cheney’s platform will promote the use of horseback riding as the primary mode of public transportation for all persons who earn less than 600k a year.
6. None of those silly public-scandal distractions. You’ve seen him, right? Not really Monica Lewinsky’s type.
7. Your favorite TV programs will air uninterrupted. Dick isn’t big on speeches. You won’t see his face nightly on your television screen. The public will get their information on a need-to-know (sometimes a demand-to-know) basis.
8. Lynn Cheney will be an entirely competent first lady. She’s been able to handle Dick for all these years. She can certainly handle a few more years in the White House.
Make room on your car for that bumper sticker now; Cheney, 2012.
Sam Robertson has been writing and publishing articles on an assortment of public-interest topics for many years. With vast and varied experience in journalism, Robertson offers an interesting perspective on politics, healthcare and other current social issues.
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