God: Potential rulers of the world, welcome. I summoned you personified ideas because I wish to know my creation, humans. You are ideas that have never perished through time, you represent certain attitudes and feelings of humans, I wish to know more. Please, introduce yourselves.
Anarchy: I am anarchy; I am freedom, I recognize no authority, including you.. Asshole.
Democracy: I am democracy, I listen to the needs of the people and I deliver.
Communism: I am communism; I am equality.
Fascism: I am fascism and I hate you all, especially you communism.
God: please be seated, we have much to discuss, and there is much you must inform me on.
Anarchy: Inform you? But you’re God, aren’t you supposed to be all knowing?
God: My dear Anarchy, not even God understands politics. Now, democracy, tell me about some of your views; religion, economics, human rights beliefs, etc.
Democracy: Majority rule.
God: Ah, so all you do is fulfill the wishes of the majority?
Democracy: *moment of awkward silence* Umm, I’m not sure, I don’t have my statistics with me, but I could take a poll if you’d like?
God: *sigh* no no, no need, I think I get the picture.. Now uhh hey- HEY! Fascism stop that! Stop trying to kill communism!
Fascism: But.. But.. I’ll give you crazy bones..*sigh* fine, but know that I’ll destroy you all one day, it is the beauty of a single-party state.
God: Silence! Now, where was I, ah yes, Communism, your turn, tell me about yourself.
Communism: I believe in equality for all, I believe in doing away with classes as that creates alienation. I believe in a state of equality, where all things are equal; rights, income, etc. I believe in a planned economy, as this will help prevent overconsumption and the production of useless petty things. A shockingly small percentage of the global population own the majority of the wealth, I aim to strip these people of their petty luxurious lifestyles and give it to those in need. I’m essentially a less-cool Robin Hood.
God: Yes, Yes I like that, a very respectable aim. However, I find the concept of people being willing to sacrifice their wealth as hard to believe as a virgin birth.
Communism: Which is exactly why humans must change their nature, which is no easy task. People today live in a blissful ignorance to the global issues around the world, we’ve been taught to value the well-being of our own kin over everything else, and most can’t even abide by that rule, selfishness is the greatest problem humanity faces. A small number live their superfluous lives while others need to beg on the streets in order to survive. The red scare accurately reflects the nature of humanity; a witch hunt for communists took place as they were seen as pure evil. You know humans are flawed when they can’t grasp simple concepts like the greater good.
Democracy: You go on and on as if you’re the only one here who supports equality; democracies are based on two basic principles – equality and freedom. Everyone is seen as equal before the law and everyone has an equal chance to move their way up and gain power.
Communism: How can you possibly say that you support equality when democracies tend to be capitalist? If people are equal before the law then they should all be born into equality, the wealthy have a much easier route to power than the poor do, it makes no sense to me whatsoever.
Anarchy: He has a point you know, NoFX’s song ‘The Irrationality of Rationality’ support that argument as well, and I may not recognise any authority, but I consider that band my God. Now it’s time for me to play the Devil’s Advocate because I’m bored and I want to piss you off; the entire problem revolves around work. People spend the vast majority of their lives as slaves to the monster that is the economy. Is a number really worth the amount of time you exchange it for? I know I know, “in today’s society you need money, you need a job, you need a high school diploma blah blah blah”. You look down on people who say screw it and go off into the world to do their own thing, like into the wild, that was a pretty sick movie. You’re not actually living when you spend your life cooped up in a cubicle taking orders from a boss you hate, going home, watching tv, then repeating the entire damn process for the rest of your life. That isn’t living. Living is travelling the world, enhancing your understanding of different cultures, going out into the world and experiencing it. This may not be something I express often, but you two are just pissing me off.
Fascism: What kind of talk is that?! People should strive to be an asset to their state, to contribute to the power of the nation by shutting up and doing what they’re told. You’re all making me sick, or at very least giving me the urge to kill you again. All of this talk of equality and tree hugging is just proving that you’re a bunch of puss- I mean pacifists. There wouldn’t be any class-tension if it weren’t for communism going on and on about it nonstop, droning on and on like some kind of conservative. And as for all of this equality nonsense: those who don’t support my views are enemy and must be destroyed, life is a survival of the fittest. The growth and expansion of an empire is necessary to it’s prosperity, those who stand in my way must be crushed so I can expand my control over the entire world! Mwahahaha!
God: I’m forced to agree with Anarchy; you really are a complete and utter asshole, what sick sadistic human being dreamt you up?
Fascism: .. A fascist? Although according to Descartes’ meditations you quite possibly invented me. You created humans, they created me. So technically in some strange reasoning I’m your grandson.. Wow, that was far less dramatic than Star Wars. In fact I’m having trouble believing you’re actually God, even if you don’t understand politics there are certain common sense concepts you’re failing to grasp.
God: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Now, last but by no means least, after hearing what fascism had to say..
Anarchy: I advocate the absence of the state, common sense should allow people to come together in agreement to form a functional society allowing for the members of this society to freely develop their own sense of morality, ethics or principled behaviour. Personal freedoms are highly valued, and the only true rule I advocate is ‘I don’t mess with you, you don’t mess with me’. The large industries and corporations have done nothing but corrupt the state, today banks have too much say in political decisions as money can be a very influential thing. There is no authority figures, and no enforcers, people themselves must decide on what to do, allowing for personal freedoms and not having a conformed lifestyle; and by that I mean not needing to spend your life working in a cubicle and not actually living.
God: But humans can’t be trusted to do what they want! Order is next to godliness.
Anarchy: I’m getting sick of this you self-righteous bastard.
Democracy: Agreed, I can’t help but notice that this is getting progressively sillier, so I ask; what exactly are we doing here?
God: I already told you, I require some assistance in understanding human political systems.
Communism: Yes, that’s what you told us, but why are we really here?
God: .. I’m lonely.
Anarchy: God damn it, lied to again by the authorities! I’ve had enough of these bullshit deceivers.
*BOOM!* – gunshot..
Fascism: you just killed God.. Are you by chance jewish?
I was born in Ajax and lived there until my father got a job in Mexico City, which he accepted. I lived in Mexico for the majority of my life, since the age of 6 and we returned to Canada when I was 16. http://enderdervan.blogspot.com/ I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’m Currently in my senior year and am currently planning on volunteering in South Africa to do human rights upon finishing high school for around a year, then returning to Canada to study journalism and the dream is to become a journalist.